A few months ago I was driving home after meeting up with a
friend. My heart was broken over our conversation, hurting for my friend, and
confused. I pulled my car over into the parking lot of a church and I just
prayed. I sat there in the dark, talking out loud to God. Crying. Confused.
Angry. Sad. Hurt. And then I just felt peace and hope.
Things weren’t suddenly perfect. But it was like God was
saying, “Yes, you live in such a broken world. These things sadden me too. But
it’s not over. I love you so much. I love your friend. I am in control, trust
in me."
I wrote a bit back then, but I never posted it because it didn't seem complete. But I've decided to just post it anyways-
What a privilege it is to do life with people. Life is messy, we are all broken. There is heartbreak everywhere if you take time to notice. Everyone has a story.
It is easy to judge, but from my own mistakes I am reminded one piece of the story does not reveal the whole person. Besides, it's not my place to judge, I'm called to love. So that's what I will try to do.
Tonight my heart is breaking for several reasons. Romans 12:15 says, "15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." Tonight I am mourning with friends who mourn. It makes my heart sad, it hurts, but what an honor it is to get to do that. For lost friendships, damaged relationships, addictions, lost jobs, disappointments, broken families... What a blessing it is to have people to rejoice and mourn with me, and who allow me to do so with them.
What strikes me is how much it hurts to mourn with someone
else. I am incapable of doing anything to fix or change the situation. My heart
is broken for them and I am brought to tears. It hurts, it leaves me with
questions and rocks my world. But I am glad to be able to do life with them. I
am honored to be trusted with such honest, open hearts and to be able be apart
of life. I am reminded of what true community must look like, and reminded that
there is One who is bigger than all our problems, sins, and heartache. The
Healer hears our prayers, He sees our tears, and He knows our hearts.
In some of these times, I have felt the most loved. Seems a
little counter-intuitive, but God’s ways are so beyond my comprehension. In the
midst of my own trials or the heartache of a friend, there is peace that rushes
over me. And the only thing that makes sense to me is that this is God’s peace
and his love. There is hope in Him.
