On a mission to learn to love better

I'm not sure that this blog will really have a point. I realize it's likely no one will read this. Meh, I really don't care. Several things have been on my mind lately. It spins so quickly I can't finish one thought before the next pops in.

I want to learn to love better.

I feel refreshed after the last few days. I've gotten to see many people I care deeply about, several I haven't seen nearly enough the last few years. I've enjoyed great conversations and laughs, been challenged and encouraged. I'm exhausted and thankful to have some alone time, but my heart is so full.

I've been thinking a lot about what I'm doing with my life and how to make the most of it. It's been helpful to chat with people about this. Anyways, I see a lot at work- people who have just had a rough go. We all get to make our own choices, but sometimes life is just unfair. And with everything that's going on around me, I am reminded how desperately we need Jesus. I don't have the answers I'm seeking. I just don't know. I can't solve the problems I see or the heartache around me. But Jesus knows and He can.

And maybe there is beauty in the uncertainty and messiness of our lives. Because we can't do it alone. It forces community. I need Jesus. But also I need the people around me. When we can be honest and open, letting down our fronts and communing authentically with each other... Wow. What a feeling to be known and loved for who you are. Life is messy and we are all broken, but what a privilege it is to do life together. What a blessing to see others grow and to be inspired. There is so much we can learn from each other.

I'm a total disaster. Well-meaning but over committing. Disorganized. My clothes don't match and my hair is never in place for longer than 2 minutes. I frequently lose my keys and spill things. There are 1000 of other things. I try to keep it together, but it just oozes out. But guess what?! I have an amazing husband and family, and what's really crazy...  friends, who know all this and still love me. It's amazing and ridiculous. 

I feel so loved tonight. Overwhelmed by it really. But I have also experienced times of great loneliness. Times when circumstances weighed me down and I felt hopeless and so alone. And it breaks my heart to hear the stories of hopelessness of patients or people I'm close to. The depth of heartache and loneliness they must feel. I want to learn to love better. More completely. Like Jesus loves me. No one should feel so hopeless. No one should feel worthless or empty.

You are loved. More than you can ever imagine.

These things have been on my heart.

I wish that everyone could feel loved and valued. Known. Appreciated. Listened to. My prayer is that God will teach me to love like he loves and that He will help me take action. Love is a verb (to quote John Mayer lol). Lord show me how to love deeper and more fully.

I want my friends to know I love them too. Gosh, there are things about each of them I appreciate and find inspiring or admirable. I want to let them know. We should tell each other those things, build one another up. Cuz you all are the best. :)

And if anybody (again, probably no one will actually read this haha) ever wants to talk, or feels hopeless or alone, you can contact me. Or if you just want to talk. I'm awkward and goofy. I rarely have anything great to say, but I can listen.

Anyways, just things I've been thinking about. We all need God's love, mercy, and healing.

^"9 Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. ¹⁰ Love each other with genuine affection,^[e] and take delight in honoring each other. ¹¹ Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.^{[f] 12} Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. ¹³ When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.

¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. ¹⁵ Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. ¹⁶ Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!"

Romans 12: 9-16